I am seething.

I took the baby to the ped today because of eczema and other food allergy symptoms. One of the RNs informed me that the doctor was running about an hour late, so I needed to make myself comfortable.

I sat in the far corner of the Well Baby area and kept Baby Boy on my lap. Two young kids with hacking coughs kept running into our area and smeared their noses against the fish aquarium. Note to self: Fish tank equals one big germ bucket.

The woman seated next to me in the Well Baby area was holding her son, who was on oxygen. I asked if he was a preemie and the answer was yes. "But," she continued, "that's not why he's in today. He has RSV. Don't worry though, it's been more than 3 days and he's not contagious." Perhaps it's the way she stammered through the whole explanation...clearly not believing the words coming out of her very own mouth...that started clanging the alarms in my head. Or perhaps it's because I know that RSV is uber-contagious up to 14 days after symptoms.

I was so aghast, the worst that I could reply to the mom was, "You have GOT to be kidding me." She assured me that she wasn't, so I stood up and walked out...waving to the front office gal that I would call for a reschedule.

How dare she sit in the Well Baby area with a son who has (not had) RSV? Who are these people who think only of themselves and throw other people's concerns into the wind. And why didn't the receptionist move them to a special area? This practice is a well-oiled machine in the way they handle their Synagis clinics. (OK, I already know the answer to that question. When I called to complain/reschedule later that afternoon, I was told that they were "overwhelmed" by the doctor's late schedule.) But still. We are busting our yams to help our son not get the disease because the odds of him developing asthma for the rest of his life are increased by more than 52% if he does.

So yeah, I do take this very seriously, and I'm still so angry, my scalp feels as though it's flopping off my head.

Yesterday was the three year anniversary of my sister's death. Thinking about that phone call still knocks the wind right out of me.

Yesterday, we also got another call from Husband's mom to let us know that the lung cancer diagnosis was official. Results from an additional test are due on Tuesday and they will let us know the extent of the cancer and treatment options. I keep hearing Dad's voice uttering words, "It doesn't look good." Bloody Hell.

I'm at a crossroads right now...trying to decide if getting lost in suburbia was such a great idea after all. I am positively climbing the walls, a situation that is exacerbated by the fact that we are hibernating to keep the baby as healthy as possible. I am unable to make a firm decision on what my next career move is going to be. I am continuing to harbor resentment that I even need to work on a career decision because my husband's job is...paltry. I need to come to terms with the cost of meds for the Siamese cat - or make that terrible decision to put him down. (He apparently has lost all knowledge of how to pee and poop in a cat box...preferring the family room and the baby's hamper basket instead. What is it about pets eliminating everywhere in the house except in the designated box? Has the world gone mad!!?)

I'm also feeling a little down about my lack of support here in Colorado. We've certainly made friends with all our neighbors but it's strictly social. I really miss having my close girlfriends nearby, especially now that I have a baby and we could share in the joy together. Husband and I were always the extra wheel in California. Everyone had kids and we just hung out with them - when we were invited to the events. It was awkward, no doubt about it. Especially when we wanted to have our own baby so badly.

I'm also thinking that this cold weather is a pain in the butt. I spent more than an hour shoveling snow yesterday...when I wasn't slipping around on the ice. It's truly beautiful, but damn, it's cold. And heating this house is no easy feat. High ceilings should be outlawed in Colorado.

I suppose I'm just melancholy because of my sister and father in law...and just let it go at that. I'm all cranky and filled with discontent. Time for a cup of hot cocoa and then off to bed.

oy.vey.