Friday, June 25, 2004

Selective Retention.

I took my mom out for breakfast this morning. It's her birthday and she wanted to go to a restaurant that serves sweet crepes with fresh strawberries. She was thrilled, and she enjoyed every bite.

While we ate, I asked her a bunch of questions:

"When you look back on your life, is there anything you regret...other than not buying the Horsepool's house?"

"No, not really. You know, we never had enough m-o-n-e-y. But everyone has ups and downs. And you three girls turned out OK. So no. Nothing."

"Are you happy now?"

"Sure. Sure."

"I really wish I had met my grandfathers - they were both dead before I was born."

"Grandpa Kime died when I was six from cancer of the pancreas..."

"We have cancer in the family? I thought no one had died of cancer!"

"Yes, we have cancer in the family."

"Dear God, I need to work out. I thought we only had heart problems, which is never an issue for women under 50."

"When you put your mind on something, you always do it. You'll lose weight."

Yow. So that's where we landed.

Mom is not dwelling on the details of her life, which really did have many, many miserable moments.

And I am attempting to forget that I have been out of shape for 10 years....though it feels more like 20.

Each of us holding onto our slivers of happiness...and denying the poignant memories of our pain, the hurt, the deep misgivings.