I have spent the last three days digesting and processing the events of the last 6 months. Mom moved into her new apartment on Thursday, and I got my first taste of solitude in what feels like a very long time.
The experience of moving her in to live with us, learning to be her caretaker, adjusting to a disciplined regimen, and transitioning her into an assisted living facility has been complex. There is no simple way to describe what transpired.
Words like wonderful, heartbreaking, infuriating, and enriching come to mind.
I have given more of myself in the last 6 months than I have given in the last 10 years. And although my anger spiked to new levels when dealing with mom's incessant needling and defiance...my heart was also cracked open to allow feelings of true forgiveness and compassion when she sobbed because of fear or physical pain. Years of pent-up criticism and resentment flew out of my body in a single heartbeat the night I hugged and kissed her for the very first time.
Without a doubt, I am a changed person from this experience. My life has finally been filled with the Right Stuff. A preoccupation and focus on someone other than myself.