Losin' It Is Not the Answer.

I have just finished watching the RMAs - Radio Music Awards. I lasted for only one hour.

Has the world gone Mad? I sat in disbelief as I listened to these people perform, watched them wiggle their piggles, and look utterly ridiculous. And for this, they make millions?

I could continue the rant, but in fairness I should say that it has been a very hard two days that has given me this bitter edge. Mom was in the ER yesterday because of excessive bleeding. It was in truth only nine hours total, but it seemed like fourteen. An ER experience always feels like time and a half. We finally got her back home around 9pm, but neither of us could get to sleep...we were so shaken up. Then I received a call today that mom now has a staff infection in her arm. It took me 6 telephone calls to locate a doctor who could see mom tomorrow. The rest were booked all the way through the end of November.

Am I missing something here? How in the world do people manage their sickness when they have to wait so long to get in to see the doctor? It's as bad as getting in to see your hairstylist - will I have to set her next appointment before we leave the doctor's office tomorrow?

To add further angst to my stress, mom went "wacky" tonight. She couldn't close her slider...that resulted in 5 separate phone calls. She couldn't close her blinds...that was another 2 phone calls. Dad took her blood test result papers with him to his room...that resulted in one very hysterical conversation. Then she called to tell me that I had to cancel the doctor's appointment...that she needed to take a bath. I got most of this worked out with her (growing more tense by the minute)...then she called one final time to tell me to not use her debit card. ...Huh?

Finally, I Blew. Seriously, sometimes Enough is Enough.

At this point, I began to yell. At mom, telling her that she needed to "Grow up." At the cat for chewing on the new, spooky Halloween tree. At the other cat for leaving a poop mark on the couch. At cat number 3 for eating the pot pie off my plate while I was on the phone.

It's been several years since I have yelled like that. It's typically not my way.

I know I need to be more compassionate and understanding. I know that I am limited because of my tendency to be self-focused and worried about work. I also know that I am not a great manager of my emotions and all of this stuff weighs heavily on me - which ultimately distracts me during the day. I realize that my tolerance level is lower than others.

I. Just. Can't. Handle. The. Multiple. Incessant. Grating. Phone Calls. After. A. Ten. Hour. Day.

Tomorrow, I will call and make the necessary apologies. Tonight, I will just feel like a lousy daughter who is incapable of helping her sickly mother.

Crikey. I'm going to take my sorry butt to bed.