Spousetrap

Am I angry at my husband for quitting his $40/hour job? No. He was miserable, and I supported his decision. His health was failing, his eyesight was being damaged, and he didn't respect his boss or his peers.

Am I angry that my husband started his own business to paint murals and do faux treatments? No way. We talked about this opportunity for him to pursue his dream. I was behind him 100%. I went into this knowing full well that his income would split in half. Immediately.

Am I angry that my husband's business tanked last year and he earned $10/hour? No. He worked really hard and did everything he could to find new business. He's genuinely distraught over his results last year - and he didn't have much fun either.

Am I angry that my husband adamantly refuses to get a job? Yes. All kinds of issues come up for me on this. I've explained to him that I am exhausted and that I need to shift down. He understands that if I leave my job we can't afford the house and we won't have medical insurance. He takes zero ownership in being a reliable provider for the family. And even though he acknowledges that the last 5 years have not resulted in a viable business...he refuses to consider any other employment. R-E-F-U-S-E-S. And this is the part that I just don't "get." He's not supporting me in the way that I supported him 5 years ago. I agreed to "bear the load" while he developed his business. Now, I'm asking him to do the same for me so I can slow down and rest and rebuild my health...and he won't do it. He's not even embarrassed to admit it.

Do I love my husband? Yes, with all my heart.

Which is why I feel so trapped.