Friday, March 11, 2005


From the time I was in elementary school until I left home for college, my Dad played games with me at night. Parcheesi, ping pong, Battleship. And this. I loved football. Dad enjoyed the competition and the companionship as much as I did. He never said, "No," when I asked him to play a game.

I remember the late summer nights at the kitchen table playing Canasta. All of the windows were open because of the heat, and we could hear crickets chirping from somewhere out in the vast darkness. We'd stay up until midnight, rallying back and forth with our points until we were exhausted and finally went to bed.

Life was uncomplicated back then. I didn't spend too much time thinking about the next day. I was never stressed about projects looming over my head or the ever-growing checklist of things that had to be done. The day was over and I was able to enjoy it came. No anxiety, no dread. Just a peaceful sense of calm that signified All was Right at that very moment in my little world.

It's been a long time since I've felt that calmness. And I hunger for it now on a visceral level, almost like a vitamin deficiency. I yearn for that which I am missing.

I've decided to pull myself out of the interview process for the training position. I'm exhausted and consumed with too many other issues. The Desperate Fighter in me wanted to continue forward, get the job and launch into a new life's phase. But the reality is that I can't do it. No strength, no confidence, no clarity of mind.

It's time to rest.