Not Again.

Husband woke up at midnight with a cramp in his left thigh. He got out of bed to stretch it out when suddenly the entire house shook and there was a huge crash. I screamed, turned on the light and found Husband flat on his back with his head propped against the nightstand. His eyes were dilated the size of dimes and he couldn't answer any questions. Tiny beads of sweat were lining his cheekbones. "Are you alright?" I screamed. "I'm calling 911!" Husband tried to get up but then fell back down onto his side. His arms were stuck to the side of his body and he stared at me, not speaking and barely breathing.

I raced downstairs and called 911. Husband wasn't moving when they arrived but he was able to answer some basic questions, what town do you live in, what year is it? The paramedic strapped him to a board with a head brace and I lost it. They told me that I was hysterical and had to calm down. (Excuse me, but is there any better time to be hysterical? I think not.)

I followed the ambulance to the hospital and sat with him through the EKG and doctor's exam. I barely breathed as the doctor asked him to move his feet and legs and hands. Thank God he was able to move them. I waited in silence, praying that he would be OK, that his spine was OK, that he didn't hurt his head when he fell. After more than an hour, the doctor decided to forego the x-rays or cat scan. She thinks that Husband's work schedule plus stress level plus diet (no food all day and then 3 beers and some molasses cookies tonight) caused him to pass out from the pain of the cramp.

In the ER, I told Husband that he couldn't do this anymore, he had to slow down...that he has the heart and head of a 24 year old but the body of a 48 year old. Husband looked at me and replied, "I still got it."

Yes, hooked up to a heart monitor in the hospital, Husband was insisting that he could push himself to the limit and still muddle through. "Oomph!"

One, I don't agree with him at all. And Two, I'm not so sure that I can muddle through when he does this.

I keep flashing back to the paramedics and firemen hovering over Husband in the bedroom as he remained sprawled out and unable to talk. I seriously thought he was dying, right there in front of me. And yet again...there was nothing that I could do.

I'm going to bed now. Tomorrow may find me babbling like a baby and watering the plastic plants.

Can anyone recommend a nice, comfortable cave that I can crawl into?