Enough is Enough.

My good friend's father passed away after surgery last week. He'd gone in for a hip replacement and had immediate problems from the anesthesia. It made him vomit continually, so much so that he he split the lining in his stomach and bled to death from dry-heaving.

I called her immediately to tell her how sorry I was about the unexpected passing.

Friend: Well, you know how it is. The one thing that every person on the planet has in common is that we are all going to bury our parents.

Jill: I really hadn't thought of it that way, though many parents have to bury their children...which is horribly wrong.

Friend: Yeah, well, I'm just glad I had him for as long as I did. The kids really got to know him and know how much he loved them.

Jill: Are you alright?

Friend: Oh yeah. I'm busy with making the arrangements, but yeah, I'm OK.

Am I the only person on the planet who completely tilts over the loss of a loved one? I couldn't get out of bed for a week after my sister passed away. And then my mom's declining health sent me into a pit of despair. Is it different because she has kids and she has to carry forward? Is it just a difference of disposition or sensitivity level?

All I know is that I am a train-wreck in repair. Every day is brighter, though it's taking a very long time for my body to heal. I have chronic stomach problems and they continue plague me, despite the little almond-shaped pill that I take every day.

I'm tired of having heartburn.
I'm tired of feeling fatigued and out of shape.
I'm tired of feeling sick after every meal.

Feeling so good in other areas of my life have helped illuminate the areas where I feel physically awful. I had a small sob session tonight, thinking that I don't want to hurt anymore. I accept that I will be grieving for a very long time, and that's OK. It's who I am.

But I'm done with the physical hurts. It's time to get fixed.