Saturday, September 17, 2005

I used to be what I call a Mamby Pamby.

I was so stretched, so overworked, so stressed out that everything Set Me Off. I was angry, nay volcanic when faced with poor service, offensive treatment or blatant disregard. I was ready to complain, litigate and levy revenge at every slight directed at me. At times, my anger and/or indignation was downright silly.
  • The store clerk who told me that I look like Rosie O'Donnell in front of my husband.
  • The person who cut in front of me in line at the toll both.
  • The guy at the meat market who gave me the darker (and seemingly older) cut of beef.
  • The fireplace guy who installed the new mantle over 3 weeks late.
  • The outplacement consultant who laughed when I told her I'd love to be a plus-size model.
  • The fitness store rep who asked me if I was sure I was ready to lift weights. (She lost the sale.)

Believe me, I could go on. I was basically ticked at everyone and everything, and I felt that I needed to achieve some type of justice in this world because I sure as hell wasn't getting it from my chosen lifestyle. So I was going to make my point with each and every "injustice." Needless to say, I was not a happy person.

Now, I am a Kinder and Gentler Jill. There just isn't a whole lot that lights my flares. I suppose that most of my internal change came from losing my sister and my mother within 3 months of each other.

I snapped like a green bean.

And I realized that most of my fights simply weren't worth it. I'll take my business elsewhere, or pity the poor idiot who discounts the value and contributions from an overweight person. Really, their ignorance is their loss. And I'm happy enough to just go my merry way.

Somehow, I have figured out that my life is too precious to waste on being angry or seeking retribution all of the time. I don't want the word "Unhappy" to describe me or my life and I was coming awfully close.