Wednesday, October 26, 2005

The Yin Yang Dance of Marriage is spinning again.

Don't get me wrong, all is good and solid. But the dynamics are shifting and I can feel it pulling at me like an ocean tide...sweeping me along its path, ignoring my resistance.

And resisting is something that I do very well. Because I like to be The Tide. I like to create the gravitational pull and point us in the direction of my choosing. This, however, is different.

Part of the shift is occurring because he is working and I am not. There's an upheaval in our former routine of Who does What. I've taken on a lot of new chores including laundry, dishes, sweeping the floors and paying the bills. Husband has kept cleaning the cat boxes and taking out the trash. But whenever I ask for help with anything else, I get Attitude.

"I've already worked all day."

"I know, but I can't reach those pot lights, not even on the ladder. I need your help, I can't do it without you."

Heavy sigh with the shake-age of the head, "OK."

Egads, this is for changing lightbulbs. Just wait until he hears that I want to move the desk upstairs.

I'm not used to this counter resistance from my husband. But in the wake of my current unemployment, I feel compelled to go with it. Do more myself, by myself because...well..I'm not working and he is. And I am eternally grateful for the chance to take this break. But with it comes a shift in our patterns of habit and power. He overrides me more often now and I silently give in.

The Yin Yang Dance is still a tango, but I'm no longer the one who's leading.