Saturday, January 28, 2006

Husband and I are stuck on the question of adopting one or two babies. It's easy to make a case for either scenario.

My heart says, "Adopt two and have a full family. They will have one another to play with and grow old with...God willing. It will be tiring but worth it in the end."

My head says, "You're older now and you operate more slowly. Your lifestyle will change less with only one baby. More peace, less work. Easier to travel. Actually, just easier all the way around."

Because of our age, we really only have this one moment to complete the adoption. It's unlikely that we'll be able to go through the process again in a few years. There is also the money factor. Getting two at different times will cost $$ x 2 versus two at the same time costing $$ x 1.4. Believe me, it makes a big difference...especially with me not working and us living very close to the bone each month financially.

Yet again, I'm frustrated because I don't have things "figured out." How will we afford college for two? Dance lessons or soccer league or ice hockey? What happens if Husband's career slows down and I have to go back to work? Will we ever be able to travel again if we adopt two? Everyone tells me that it's easy to plunk one baby onto a plane and take it anywhere in the world. But have two kids, and you're in for bigger, uglier challenges. What if we adopt only one and it turns out to be a problem child? What if we adopt two and the second one turns out to be a problem child?

What if?
What if?
What if?

This Great Unknown is killing me. And because all of this is pre-planned (no "accidents" that make a unanimous decision moot) we have the luxury of contemplating both options with the pros and the cons.

So I'm swimming in emotional circles.

Do we go the Safe Route and just adopt one or do we follow our hearts and adopt two and know that things will work out as they always have?