The tears kept flowing until I collapsed last night from a raging headache.

Maybe the gift of this whole experience is to redirect us toward a domestic adoption.

Our agency is still "on hold" with Russian adoptions because of the public outcry by Russian citizens over several foreign adoptions that resulted in abused or deceased babies. I think their determination and efforts to improve their screening and agency certification process is a good thing. The only problem is that we are completely immobilized and not moving forward.

After spending the entire night crying, I woke up with a new resolve. I called our homestudy counselor and asked for help. She directed me toward a very large and credible organization that has handled thousands of domestic adoptions. I have spoken to one of their counselors and the application paperwork is on it's way.

The good thing about this is that we'll know all about the birthmother's prenatal care, she will be fully screened for HIV and hepatitis, and this agency has an exceptional track record. More than 50% of their approved couples are placed with a baby within 5 months. If we wait for Russia, it will take 10-14 months after the start-up begins. Not to mention a minimum of 2 trips over there for about 3 weeks per visit.

Breaking the news to Husband was horrible. Right after our chat, the sky literally opened up and dumped more than 1.5" of rain on us in less than an hour. The lightening was fearsome and right on top us, so I grabbed Mr Noodle and we rushed downstairs and we sat far away from the windows. It was the worst storm that I have ever witnessed. As I rocked Mr Noodle in my arms, electricity could be felt in the air and the house shook from the violent thunder. We both whimpered and I'd swear that he cried a little bit too.

I know that to have been chosen would have been the equivalent of winning the lotto.

And I know that we have an amazing life and that I am already incredibly blessed. But it still hurts. Silly me to observe my total lack of agony up to that point.

Okay.
I'm done sniveling.
It's Forward Ho.

Let's get this done.