Sunday, May 17, 2009

I've had to give up on my yearning to adopt another baby. I'm 46 years old, working full time now, and I want to send my son to private school. My husband is not working and wants to start a new career. He's in his early 50s. It just feels as though that train has left the station.

Sometimes I sit back and observe the amount of doting/complete loving attention that our son receives daily. A friend recently noted, "Your son is the most well-loved child that I have ever seen. Every time I drive by and see you all in the front yard, I feel as though I could take a snapshot of you in a perfect family moment."

Our son has never been taken for granted and having him has given us renewed hope in life and our purpose on this earth. His arrival in our lives came at a critical moment when mortality was shrouding our entire existence.

I honestly don't know if it's possible to love a child too much. And I have a deep sadness knowing that Son will never have a brother. Despite the love and attention that we give to him, he'll never have a sibling to confide in, discover with, shout at, be jealous of. All that good, healthy, normal stuff that happens in larger families.

I wish I was 10 years younger.