I haven't written in a while because I have the Blah's.

I know that I have no right to feel down. My husband and I are blessed in so many ways - the baby being the number one, most amazing gift that we have ever received. I am so thankful for his birth and our being chosen to adopt him. It's impossible to succinctly put into words how he has added joy and meaning to our lives. Having him is the closest thing to heaven on earth, I think.

In the meantime, I am still unemployed. The outfit that didn't hire me back in August called a couple of weeks ago about a different position. We were scheduled to meet last Friday, but the director canceled 1 hour before our meeting with a side note that we would meet sometime this week. I haven't heard from her since - despite my two phone calls. I know. "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

I think it's pretty clear that I need to go in a different direction. I've been taking time to meditate/pray every day to insure I'm following the right path, but my hope has been waning. Which is why I haven't been blogging much this year.

I saw an employment coach last week and he agrees that my recent time spent not working (taking care of my dad and our son) is going to hurt me. I need to do the thing that I hate the most: Get out, meet people and network.

Listen, I tried to explain. I am a work horse. Give me a job to do and I will do everything that I can to be successful. I'll work long hours. I'll challenge the corporate sacred cows. I'll take on additional duties so I can learn and contribute more. I will physically exhaust myself so that I.can.be.successful. For better or worse, that is who I am. I am not a social networker. Going to a networking event without a specific business purpose is pretty much on par with going out to a bar. I don't do good schmooze.

My coach tells me that this is a huge liability and that I must change. So here I sit, resisting that which I must do because it just isn't who I am.

I miss the good old days when I used to get called for interviews easily and frequently. This current situation makes me feel very down about the economy and very old.

So this is why I haven't blogged in a while. I know that I have used this blog in the past to rant and release extreme feelings that I didn't overtly share with others. It was a good outlet and allowed me to stay in bounds without spewing anger in real life. I don't want to do that anymore. I mean spew in writing.

I just want to stay in a place of gratitude for all that we have in our lives.

Have I mentioned that I will be very, very grateful when I find a job?