Sunday, June 20, 2004

Everybody's Business

It's never bothered me that it's virtually impossible for him to shut the drawers on his dresser completely. There's always a sock sticking out. Always.

I don't really mind that he pours coffee in the sink and doesn't rinse it down. Sure, it stains, though it always comes off with a bit of scrubbing.

Sure, I get angry when he fails to lock my car doors. But deep down, it's really not that big of a deal.

I guess these are the things that drive married people crazy over the years. The constant repetition of little idiosyncrasies...grinding down each other's patience. This is what happened with my parents...minor irritations mixed with incessant nagging....until emotions boiled over and the bickering became Everybody's Business.

Bickering in the restaurant. Bickering in the supermarket. Bickering at the Christmas table. Bickering at my college graduation party. Sniping, mean shots taken for all to see.

It got to the point where nothing else existed - other peoples' feelings, personal humiliation. It's as if the anger was so self-consuming it completely took over. And it seeped out all over us. Just like on Nickolodeon, we were covered in green smudge.

Now, I'm living my own life, married to the man who I want to spend the rest of my life with. It's a crucial point for me to consider how I want to handle the issues that really do bother me. Things not easily changed, not as simple as tucking the sock back into the drawer.

I was given a gift as a kid growing up to witness the destruction of nasty words and yelled frustration. Here's a great opportunity for me to take what I learned and use it.

Despite my inclination to run screaming, through the house.