Wednesday, June 16, 2004

I just flipped the tv off.

Well, actually, I turned it off...but with a mild degree of angst disguised as disgust.

I was watching House Hunters on HGTV. A very cute couple was talking about how thrilled they were with their new house...especially since they just found out that she was pregnant. She was glowing. He was glowing. I...was glowering.

I know that I don't have a right to be mad about my lot in life...I have been so blessed. Sometimes, I see these happy couples, so thrilled and gentle with each other, oogling a small set of baby clothes or ultrasound photo.

My chest tightens. I get a shortness of breath.

W-H-A-T-E-V-E-R. It is, what it is, what it is.

I tend to walk around with a degree of ambivalence over the I Can't Get Pregnant situation. I put on a brave face and try to focus on the adoption.

Truth be told, I'm sad all the way down to my bone marrow.