Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Don't Hate Me Because I Am Anxious.

I spent the day at doctor's appointments yesterday. I haven't felt healthy or happy for a very long time.

For the record, I am an anti-pill kind of person. I don't like to take prescriptive medicines and do my best to avoid them. However, several years ago, I fell into a depression and I couldn't pull myself out. At the time, it was the issue of my dad requesting that I take a DNA test to prove his firmly held belief that I was not his biological daughter. That really threw me for a loop and I wasn't able to recover on my own, so I started taking (gasp) depression medication. I remember feeling so low, I couldn't stop crying. I really didn't have a choice but to take the pills.

About two years ago, I switched meds and started taking Effexor because I'd read a bunch of articles that stated it impacted hunger and helped people lose weight.

Negatory, my friends. Effexor has been a disaster for me. The first year, I slept through every weekend. I was dazed and numbed-out at all times. The only benefit to the pill is that it reduced my anxiety, and for the first time, I found some element of mental peace. So I stayed with it. And I gained 45 pounds. Yes, 45 pounds.

Before you start shaking your head, you need to know that anxiety is a horrible condition, and chosing to gain weight vs being anxious is simply a terrible trade-off. I don't wish it on anyone.

Yesterday, my (new) doctor switched me to Zoloft. It should continue to help with the anxiety, but it is also supposed to cut down on the Carb Cravings that Effexor seems to induce. It's also known for perking people up. I hope this helps with my mental clarity, which has taken a real hit over the last two years.

I also spent time with a hypnotist yesterday. That was an amazing experience...I could feel myself healing while we met. I'll write more about this experience at a later time.

I am planning to call the accupunturist and the physical therapist today to schedule appointments. And most importantly, I am planning to travel 30 minutes to the coast to walk on the beach at least once a week. To feel the ocean breeze on my face and allow nature to rebuild me.

I want to be healthy again. Inside and out.

p.s. (It is with great pain that I write today, as I weigh my concerns over my blog buddies knowing that I take depression medication. Funny, I've never been one to bow down to a stigma, and I am.)