Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Mental Meanderings.

It's a difficult reconciliation. Spiritual vs. Personal Desire vs. Humanity.

I have a raging, innate desire that my loved ones be protected from harm, sickness and evil intentions. But adversity is impartial and it reigns with a cold neutrality despite the suffering or pleas for relief. Good deeds are meaningless. The best we can do is take it on the chin and hope we survive.

Spirituality then guides us toward acceptance. That which befalls us is fate or destiny...determined by a higher power with a greater understanding. So we have to ignore one of our other inherent, human behaviors: The search for logic and reason.

Why are we hardwired to believe in fairness when it really doesn't exist?

Why do I have to accept the death of my 46 year old sister...who didn't deserve to have diabetes or blindness or loneliness or a slew of other health issues? She wasn't a thief, a drug addict or even a wicked miscreant. My sister never hurt anyone, and she didn't deserve her fate.

Why doesn't God operate like Pavlov? Why are our innate reflexes paired up with a conflicting operational system that refuses to reward goodness? Why do snidely people get the promotion? Why do murderers live well into their eighties? So we can become broken and disenchanted and spend our lives searching for meaning?

I sincerely hope that my sister has moved on to a better place that recognizes and rewards her sweet character. But that would require the Next Stop to operate much differently than our human world. And if this place really does exist, then why we are subjected to this maddening dichotomy of our convictions for fairness in an utterly, impartial world?