I am neurotic.
I'm assuming that this is apparent to anyone who reads this blog. I have some heavy duty social issues that keep me from attending most functions.
I am now home alone, reading and typing on the computer. The rest of my family has traveled to a cousin's house to enjoy steak and lobster with 50 other somewhat-related guests. The thought of being lost in the middle of that many people made me queasy, and I started having psycho-somatic stomach aches and nausea. Two of my inlaw-cousins have invited their entire families - these are people who I don't.know.at.all.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not a holiday exclusionist. In fact, I normally say The More the Merrier. But somehow right now...this is not what I want to deal with at the moment. I don't want to meet new people today. I don't want to see old friends who will be surprised to see how much weight I've gained. That damn look in their eyes...something between surprise and pity. It's painful and shattering to endure.
Forget about the fact that I've been feeling poopy for over two weeks and my mojo is spent. I don't want to have to face my reality on this day that is supposed to be...peaceful and fun. I just want to stay home and work on my new Scrabble book.
I realize that this makes me a Dud. I understand that I have Issues. And I don't care.
I Vant to be Alone. That's all there is to it, as far as I'm concerned.