Perspective

I drive her to school every morning and pick her up every afternoon because she absolutely, positively doesn't want to take the bus.

I overheard her tell a friend that she hates it here.

She goes out every weekend to see a movie with a group of her new friends. We pay for both movies plus snacks, we drive her back and forth, and we let her have a friend spend the night.

She hates it here.

I bought her an entirely new wardrobe plus a prom dress, shoes and make-up. I also made her custom earrings and a necklace for her prom outfit. And I let her go out with a group of kids that she and I didn't know very well...and she was allowed to stay out until 1am. Husband and I drove 35 minutes each way to pick her up that night...at 1am...even though we really preferred to be in bed.

She hates it here.

She has had unlimited use of long distance calling plus I got her a cell phone and text messaging. Supposedly the Happiest Day of her Life.

She hates it here.

We've had multiple heart to heart chats and hugs. I've held her when she cried about the deaths of a friend and a friend's mother. I've listened to her talk about her parents drug addiction, fighting, infidelity and neglect of the kids. I've told her that she always has a place here in our home if she needs to get away. I've told her that I would take her in a heartbeat and raise her as my own. I've told her that I love her a thousand times. That she is the Awesomest. A truly great kid.

She hates it here.

We've funded every activity that she wanted to attend. I've shuttled her around town dozens of times...when I didn't want to do it.

She hates it here.

I get her whatever food she wants. Slim Fast. Fish Tacos. Smoothie mix. I've helped her start a diet to lose 10lbs and have bought foods to support her in that goal. I have adjusted the family meals to accomodate her.

She hates it here.

Have I been stern compared to the way she's been raised her entire life?
Yes.

Am I tough on lying and manipulation?
Yes.

Do I make her pay the consequences for going over her 10 minute long distance phone call time limit? (19 phone calls at 20+ minutes last month.)
Yes.

Do I implore her to treat boys with respect - especially those that she taunts into liking her and then dumps when they show interest?
Yes.

Did I forbid her from driving around town with a friend who planned to tell her parents that she was spending the night at our house...when she was really over at her boyfriend's house?
Yes.

Is it mean to try to teach her how to hold a fork and knife correctly when she cuts meat...eat with her mouth closed...and sit at the table until everyone is done eating?
Apparently.

Is it a terrible thing for me to tell her that anyone can get a Loser to like them. It's the Winners that are tough to catch?
Apparently.

Am I wrong to tell her that hanging out with kids that smoke pot, drink incessantly and sleep around is taking the easy road? That doing well in school and staying clean is hard...but ultimately the right thing and the best thing?
Apparently.

I didn't agree to let her live here for so long to make her happy. I wanted to give her a break from the violence in her home, give her space from fighting with her parents and allow her to finish her sophomore year without having to repeat it. I've tried to support her in going out and having fun, and we've spent a load of money on her.

And she hates it here.

I'll be damned. Why the hell did I even bother doing this?