Thursday, July 06, 2006

I'm waiting for the results of my blood test to tell me how close I have inched toward menopause. Regardless of the outcome, the doctor won't agree to "rip it all out." She wants to insert a progesterone dispersing IUD instead.


More hurt. No baby. Plus a battery of additional tests including a uterus-lining biopsy.

She rated that procedure as a "10" on the pain scale. And I don't mean that it's painless. I really started to freak when she handed me the consent form.

I used the lame excuse that Husband is out of town and that I'd have no one to rely on if something went wrong. Oh, and I told her that I wasn't prepared emotionally to handle the biopsy today. Without warning or any kind of mental preparation.

The truth is that my Fear of Pain will cause me to forgo the test completely. Seriously, that kind of pain is primal and excrutiating. Even women who've had multiple births can't stand the pain. And she wants to do that to ME? I don't think so.

Doctor also told me that because my sister had a Borderline Ovarian Cyst, she considers that to be Ovarian Cancer and that I need to be monitored. Sadly, there is no reliable test for ovarian cancer. The one that most docs use give too many much so that my physician won't even use it.

So the original Hurt that drove me to the doctor's office in the first place has been joined by Fear and Dread. But Sadness reigns least for now.