So what exactly does Jill do when she settles into a deep panic?

She cleans and organizes.

I have now sorted through 8 boxes of clothes that have been stored away in our basement since we moved in July, 2005.

Pants with pleats or cuffs? Gone.
Shirts with shoulder pads? Gone.
Dresses with bright gold buttons? Gone.
Anything that is big and bulky? Gone.

I have also spent most of the day raiding the pantry.

Rice a Roni that expired in 2006? Gone.
Salad dressing that expired in 2005? Gone.
Lots of Thai noodle packs that expired in 2008? Gone.

Doing a deep cleanse and giveaway feels good...to a degree. If I think about it too much, I start to beat myself up for being so wasteful. Lots of food went into the trash today. Food that I had every intention of making and serving to my family but somehow got shoved to the back of the shelf. I'm giving away lots of clothes that still have tags... which means I've never worn them.

So it feels good to dump all of this extra stuff but it hurts to realize that I haven't changed much after all these years. I could do so much better.

Husband is downstairs reorganizing the basement storage and singing (very loudly)to the girlie music on my ipod. Not that he shouldn't be belting out Shania Twain...he is apparently processing our jobless predicament along with me.

The one, bright beacon in our lives? Our son. The boy who snuggles and has a great sense of humor. Much may be lost but he is the highlight of everything in my life. As bleak as things may seem right now, it's hard to not feel immense gratitude for all that I have.